Saturday, January 31, 2009


Thanks for listening to me last night, it helped. I don't remember anything that happens throughout the day, I'm officially nocturnal. I sleep only on the train, i don't know whats going on but I haven't slept in my bed for about a week. I guess things are pretty much looking bad but I'd say they could be worse. I'm not gonna sit around and complain about my life because that's just a waste of my precious time. I'd much rather walk the streets at night and taking each night like an adventure with me and my camera. Last night I actually spoke of drama and just vented off, even though I didn't say much I did say what has been bothering me. It felt good.

Tonight I'm getting away from this house and gonna go see a broadway show with the people who keep me distracted from the world.

Tomorrow is gonna be a superbowl which I have no interest in.

Monday is school and I can't wait.


Friday, January 30, 2009

Life Motto

Q: What is the term for creativity beyond the forces of limitation?

A: My Mentality.


Thursday, January 29, 2009

Critical Period

For the first time in my life I'm truly scared of the events to come. I don't want to say that lately I've been putting up a front but I have been going through some things that I just want to keep to myself. That may call to question as to why am I talking about it if I'm not going to speak of it, the answer is because as a writer sometimes just venting is the cure for anything. I don't know how to handle the situations that have been brought to my attention. I actually still can't believe this is happening to me. Guess there's no such thing as a steady happiness. I'm scared to one day wake up in an empty house, cold and emotionless. Lately I find myself doing the things I love with the people I love but it isn't enough. It is truly a critical time for me, with mixed emotions and just a feeling falling into this deep pit. Not to mention people judging me for who I am, but I won't let a stupid thing like judgment effect me, those types of people deserve nothing from me. I ask those who care not to give me sympathy, and those who yearn to help to not show me empathy. It's not that I'm a cold hearted person but this is just something I must handle on my own. The future is now my enemy, I'm keeping my hobbies as close as possible hopefully they can shield me from this fate that is bound to happen. I just wish it wouldn't. I wish this would all go away. I may not blog as much, but I won't give up either. I'm not prepared to throw everything away even if the things I love are being taken from me. I am here, I have power, and I will try. I face hard times but I guess that's just growing up. I never expected it to be this bad though, sometimes I wish people could one day understand that little fights and games mean nothing when the big drama comes in. I hope for those who still live in their fantasy lands of ignorance and close minds will soon enter reality and understand that we do have to grow up, at least most of us. I know it's hard to try and understand my feelings because you don't know what is going on in my life but I do not wish to share this information. It's a way of safeguarding myself. Let's see if I can look in the mirror and tell myself I'm bound to be successful. Many of my close friends and family believe I have what it takes but when I look around at all that I have I see nothing. I'm destined for a path in which I have to make a choice. I hope this won't be now because I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision. I'm aiming for great but I'm being weighed down by loss. I want to find the person who said "things get harder before they get better" so I can spit in their face. You cursed me into a life that will ALWAYS get harder.

P.S.- I love the both of you.


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A New Era

I've finally come to the conclusion that I NEED to pursue more. I don't know what it is but I feel like I can do so much more in life. I'm building a plan for a new company that I have yet to find a name for. The company is going to be involved with schools around New York (just for the start hopefully it will expand) and it will be primarily about Art. I feel like art is losing it's touch on people. I know there are plenty of artists but everyone is freelancing and we need a joint operation. This company will be based on the idea that visually schools need to be more lively. I want to put up some really nice artwork on school walls and even on the schools themselves. We could set up photographers on one side to take professional shots of the school in "real time" and then artists can draw and be creative. Why is artwork only limited to galleries? Art needs to be seen, it needs to be around people. If I walk through another grey hallway Im going to run into staples, grab a paint bucket, and throw it everywhere! Im serious. I really want to do this and I'm sure it will happen someday.

Since we are speaking about art I have some new photography to show the world =D. Enjoy

P.S. - This coming February I will be framing and selling my photographs, a little excited and scared at the same time. =D

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Poetry Update


Remember this moment
As the curtain falls from the sky,
Memorize my reaction
So you'll never wonder why,
Why this ran so far deep
Past the skin on your wrist,
Why the words cause you pain
As i begin telling you this,
The perfect world you knew
Ceases to spin,
The fantasy life you had
You are no longer in,
The smile you used to have
Removed from your face,
The sparkle you had in your eyes
Isn't in its place,
You just wouldnt listen
As i gave you wise advice,
You couldn't understand
Every consequence has a price,
Look at you now
Your choices brought you pain,
Check your mirror now
And watch your eyes spill out rain,
Try to revive yourself now
After you've flatlined your heart,
Get yourself out of your grave
If you think you're so smart,
Lets see that pretty face
Become happy once more,
Lets see that fake smile
That everyone adores,
Play those childish games
That have outdated age itself,
Laugh about the world
After looking at yourself,
Your just another beautiful photo
Developed and complete,
Time has made you black and white
Crumpled on the street,
So much time wasted
Trying to show you a better way,
So many days lost
Attempting to make you stay,
The shadows have taken you now
A captive of dark nights,
There are no more sunny days
No more flashing lights,
My beautiful reflection
You were like me in every way,
Now a shattered image
That wont see the light of day.
Remember this baby
Cause you wont hear that again,
Remember this my love
Because you wont even be a friend,
The flight has taken off
Departed for a better side,
Im in the first class section
While I wave to you goodbye,
I'll remember this forever
The day i finally got a break,
Ill forget your face in time
Because theres nothing left to take,
No more visits from me
Just close the door shut,
No more games for me
Im the player who finally got cut,
Im free from the scars
They faded in the skin,
Im free from the pain
It no longer resides within,
You are the memories
Lost within my mind,
A shattered thought
One i'll leave behind.


Monday, January 26, 2009

The "Other" Concept

I'm in love with my new classes, especially my english one. I know I'm going to have a good time because I finally have an english teacher who I can actually relate material to. She's young with a pretty face and soft voice, short blonde hair and a very nice modern style but her physical self isn't what stands out, it's what she has to say. Today was the intro to the class, just hand out a syllabus and everyone sits and looks around at the new faces to see who looks "good." My eyes didn't wander like the rest, I wanted to hear what this class had to offer.

My professor has come up with a theme for this semester. Everything she will be teaching will be based on the idea of the "other" concept. Basically, everything that we read we can connect to another person, HOW is the question and that is what we will be analyzing. I love this theme. This is like creative writing with a twist. I thought about the theme and immediately began writing lines in my head about the "other" and how we can connect. I began to think of Unity. About the 6 degree of separation. So many thoughts ran in my head and despite the noise of the classroom I saw the future of my semester in a glowing light.

Heres a quick poem I wrote after hearing about this whole "other" concept:

I walk through the open fields of the world. Through the complex streets surrounded by the diverse faces. Each person displaying their own genetic code. Male and female alike walking side by side while I stand and look up in the sky. I look back on the horizon and see the unity within the city line. How one building resembles another in structure, connected to how one's motives can be similar to another. One child can cry the same as another but no fingertip could ever be the same. The senses we possess group us in common but how well we use them separates us forever. How Einstein was able to develop incredible mathematical concepts only for psychologists to find out years later he had a bigger brain. We are connected through innovation. Different ideas of life brought together by one power of living. I walk through the open fields of the world, and though I see a different face at every corner I feel the lines that tie us together.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Flashing Lights

It's true what they say, "you don't know your real friends until after high school." I look back at my yearbook and only a few can fit under this title. I hung out with my sis and her bf last night, nothing new. Having fun and chilling but last night was different in the sense that JAM YOUNG aka Jonathan Martinez joined us. It turned out to be a fun night, it was like enjoying days in rfk in a college environment. Damn time flies. With time goes age and we gotta keep up. It was an interesting night, from meeting a long lost rfk member to having a free round of shots on the house. Thats just how we roll. Nothing has changed. In high school JAM was my PIC, when we graduated he became my brother.

Heres a couple pictures to wrap it up, I'd write more but I gotta get ready for school!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


So along with writing I dance. Mostly for fun but when im RLLY bored I make videos =D. Heres my latest one. The song is called Froze by Chris Brown.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Ric Roc - Should I Tell Her


Ouuuuh babay babay
Ouuuuh babay babay

Should I let her know Im really in love
And that she's the one I been thinkin of
Women of my dreams ain't no one above her,
Should I tell her

Should I really show my feelings inside
Everyday, its gettin harder to hide
I imagine life with her by my side but,
Should I tell her..

[Verse 1]
Would you believe that I spend all my time
Fantasizing hows it gonna be...
Cant seem to help it, but have her on my mind
You know when shes the perfect one for me
But still she doesnt even know that I
Feel the way I do and she's the key
It doesn't seem to matter how I try
I close my eyes and she's the one I see...

Should I let her know Im really in love
And that she's the one I been thinkin of
Women of my dreams ain't no one above her,
Should I tell her

Should I really show my feelings inside
Everyday, its gettin harder to hide
I imagine life with her by my side but,
Should I tell her..

[Verse 2]
If I dont move my chance will soon be gone
Dont really know what I've been waiting on
Maybe she'd be with me if she knew
Could it be possible that all along
she was feelin everything I do
But what a tragedy if I was wrong
Dont know how I'd ever make it through..

Should I let her know Im really in love
And that she's the one I been thinkin of
Women of my dreams ain't no one above her,
Should I tell her..

Should I really show my feelings inside
Everyday, its gettin harder to hide
I imagine life with her by my side but,
Should I tell her..

It may be easy to pretend that I dont care
And maybe it wouldnt get no where (oh baby)
Could she be just as scared
Cause it kills me not to know (killin me inside)

easy to pretend that I dont care
And maybe it wouldnt get no where
Could she be just as scared
Cause it kills me not to know (kills me not to know)

[Chorus x2]
Should I let her know Im really in love
And that she's the one I been thinkin of
Women of my dreams ain't no one above her,
Should I tell her..

Should I really show my feelings inside
Everyday, its gettin harder to hide
I imagine life with her by my side but,
Should I tell her...

Friday Nights

Last night I had mad fun. I went to this club called Plush and I actually had a good time, despite the fact that a few people got me upset because they are so typical but hey what are you gonna do. Anyway it was a fun night, I jumped in a battle, danced with a couple girls, had a couple shots and then passed out. It was a good way of dealing with another Friday. I think Fridays are my new "head out and do me" nights. Usually Saturday would be the ideal night, but Friday just took over. Next time around Imma send invites, only thing is you gotta know how to dance =D. Or at least two step lol

P.S. WHY THE HELL IS IT SO COLD! I suggest underarmour for the guys, Ive been wearing it and Im warm. Try it. And for the girls, well...bundle up =D

P.S.P.S - Shout out to JAM for scoring some more points. Thats 11 so far as a college kid. Lets keep it goin!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Taking Out the Trash

This is my last message to you, and im letting everybody know just what that means. So when you wake up tomorrow and look for me in your life I'll be as close as a memory. You deserve this, almost seeking this upon yourself. I gave you the helping hand and you deceived the loyalty i provided. Spitting in my face won't bring me down. You made the choice a long time ago to take the path to change. To be somebody you're not. I never understood the greed you possessed. I never knew when that poison infultrated your body. When you lost control and left me to suffer your misery. Its over. I've been through enough to know you are only a phase. After your final change in life you'll be all alone. Wishing you had at least one person to talk to. You'll look yourself in the mirror and watch your own image run away. You've betrayed everyone in your life and believe everything will always be fine. You've handed out more personal knives than the marines. Your worn out. The Jordans i no longer have any feelings for. That old cereal you throw out after reading the experation date. You gave it all up for selfishness. The price for that is now you only have yourself. Everybody needs somebody and now you have nobody. So sit in your room. Cry yourself to sleep. Slit your wrists time and time again until your blood turns into guilt. Turn your own knives against you. Every rose may have thorns but you evolved into pain itself. Everyone will know of who you are. Who you really are. Behind all that makeup is where pure evil resides. Don't say my name under your breath. Don't text me asking for your help. Just wave yourself goodbye and afterwards hide under a rock. Everyone has their own place in life, you are supposed to be everyone's fatal memory. Goodbye.
.....system updated......
.....shutting down opened programs.....
.....power off.


Sunday, January 11, 2009


This blog is dedicated to Ms. Tiffany Chung =D. Im doing this blog for two reasons 1. I feel like it. lol and 2. I told her I would. Simple enough. Lets begin : Tiffany and I have the same birthday, June 10th 1990, one of the many reasons she has been entitled as my twin. Another reason is because we both have a belief in what Ms. Huggins taught us in english about UNITY. It is real people, whether you like it or not. I love Tiffany =D. We've gone through a lot in high school, not as much as I would like but than again I think I just miss her a lot =/. I remember the best times in high school were on the handball court chilling. Drinking Arizonas with Tiffany and Wynton (well he stole mine) and just getting a tan. Those good old days. Another thing I remember is how she was always my go-to-girl in class. Very smart, but also very lazy ! lol That was my half coming out. Class was always fun when she was in it, shed do all the work and I'd make her laugh. It was an unspoken agreement we had. More memories. We both were in NHS, which was composed of going to meeting and talking about basically what we WEREN'T going to do this semester. HOW FUN! lol.
Next. Prom. I'll always remember prom. I had the honor of going with Tiffany, but I think I was more excited than she was! LOL. I was jumping in the limo. Well she surprised me that night. A lot of times actually. First of all Tiff has one of the better senses of style I've known. I never saw her all dressed up before that night and THAT was a crazy experience. AND she wore heels..I'll repeat it. Heels. LOL. The other thing that surprised me was that she knew how to dance. All these years of me dancing at the handball courts acting retarded and ALL of a sudden, she breaks it down. Like where were you all those years!! It was crazy. The best thing about Prom was that we it was a difficult process. VERY DIFFICULT. Also, those cubes that we made each other was a fun experience. =D.
The greatest thing that I will say about Tiffany is that she truly knows how to live it up. She understands my humor and that could be very hard. She can carry the most random conversations with me and THAT is why I love her, because she is like me in so many ways. Whether it be spazzing out, handball, screaming retarded things for no reason, making fun of people, whatever it is, we do it. She will always be my twin. Its just that 610 thing that can't go away. Unity is real! =D

P.S. I found this to be fun. I think I'm going to do more individualized blog entries for special people =D. Twin gets first dibbs though.

P.S.P.S I <3 U Dumpling =D

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Lost and Found

I went through some old pictures on my desktop today just to bring back some memories and I found some graduation pictures that I decided to remake =D. I have more and I'll post them up in the future but these were the ones I finished.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Robots in Disguise

Fun, quick blog entry. I was walking down 5 avenue today on my way to work and on the corner of 42nd Street next to those guys who shine your shoes (they do a kickass job lol) was this huge set up of gadgets and cameras and stuff. Everyone was looking at it like it was going to transform into an Autobot (from transformers) lol and it was pretty funny watching people get freaked out because they didnt know what they were doing. Im not too sure why they were there but if anyone finds out that a giant robot took over NYC I was the first reporter on the scene =D.

P.S. - Im going back later to ask what those people are doing. LOL hopefully I dont get kidnapped and turned into a cyborg, as cool as that sounds.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Fans of Poetry

Im dedicating this blog to saying thanks to everyone who commented my poetry when I posted them on my other website. So no one gets left out Im just going to write the names of the people and what they said:

Defect -
Alot of heart it sounds like went into that poem. Keep on a writing. =) (Written based on You're My Love)

Katz -
Great poem (Written based on You're My Love)

Laura -
Wow, so true, i know exactly what you are talking about, i really like your writing style, its very vivid and you can tottaly feel for what the persons going through

keep the talent. keep the faith. keep the ability to write beautifully (Written based on Pain)

William -
Well written from the heart..keep it up (Written based on You're With Someone Else)

Cassie -
I love this poem so much i wish a guy gave it to me (Written based on I Love You More)

Briana -
Dang, i wish i were as good as you. (Written based on Love Was Overlooked)

John Pickett -
You really can't comment. I am still dazed. (Written based on Final Breath)

Alicia Keys -
Crazy but inspiring. (Written based on Final Breath)

John -
Straight up amazing... very very sad, but so well written. I haven't seen many poems written with so much emotion, keep up the good work. 5/5 (Written based on Final Breath)

Wip Lost the Rythm -
I think you could cut back on some wording to make it more emphasizing and some lines are repetative but otherwise it's a good poem, I don't really like the rhyme but then again I never do like the rhyme so it's not a judgment against the poem

good job (Written based on Final Breath)

Nativebabyhoney89 -
Good job (Written based on Final Breath)

Nativebabyhoney89 -
Wow i liked this one the most that some sweet poem i wish my bf can write liked that well keep on writing ur kooler than kooliade lol peace (Written based on I Love You)

Nativebabyhoney89 -
Good poem i really liked keep it up (Written based on Perfect Solution)

Thanks again for commenting. =D Its a good feeling knowing people actually like the things you do. Like I said in an earlier blog Im transfering my poems to this blog.


Blast from the Past

I was recently talking to Jonathan about a poem we did together in my creative writing class. I forgot most of the poem but while I was on the computer last night I found the damn thing. LOL So I thought I'd bring it back, which reminds me I want to post up our graduation poem too. (Jonathan if you have a copy let me know lol because mine is with Mr. Lord. P.S Dont check your wallet its not in there)

Perfect Solution

Its quiet, its calm,
Get warped in words for a minute,
Jot down some notes,
What is being said you don't want to miss it,
The corrupt feelings have takin over within,
There's nothing else to destroy, these feelings are finally coming
Now there's no way to stop me from speaking my mind,
So continue to underestimate me, and continue to doubt.
I mean every word,
I mean every line,
Put yourself in my pain,
Because this time is mine.
No more bringing me down,
You can't hurt me anymore,
This cruel game has been unplugged,
And I've brought it down to the core.
I'm taking your sunshine to the shore,
And drowning your hopes of keeping me to adore,
Realize I'm human, I'm not perfect,
However, I'm not your play thing, and I'm not your toy,
I'm not a victim and I'm not a criminal,
And I'm not nothing to this world, so stop treating me like a lil
Following you like Mona Lisa's eyes,
You will feel nothing but regret,
It will implant itself in your mind,
So that every second you can't forget.
Strong within, you failed in breaking me down,
You failed in bringing me to my knees,
I'm still standing in this world,
Still living, so just stop please.
Your embarrassing yourself,
You think your better than me,
But your nothing but talk,
And I'm the only one smart enough to see.
You wasted my time,
You wasted my breath,
Tried to make believe,
Without you it would be life or death,
But look at me now,
Do you see anything wrong?
Do you see a distraught kid?
Does this sound like a sad song?
I realized the obvious,
I opened myself to what is true.
And now I know my life is great.
Because there is no longer you.


Poetry Update

This rainy weather plus a train ride to work helped motivate me to write my newest poem. Enjoy =D

3 Years later and its just a dream,
No more you and no image of me.
Guess i couldve done more,
Couldve dug deeper to the core,
But 3 years later means no turning back,
This route has been taken off track,
The sky used to be the limit for us all,
But the ground becomes reality after the sky falls.
Just one chance was the key to my chest,
Unlocking my heart and putting it to rest,
Letting me breathe helping me live,
But here i am 3 years later with nothing to give.
I had this vision of two people on top,
The real world told me to stop.
Theres no room in this place for a fantasy life,
No dedication or trust between husband and wife,
No smiles between two people in their best days,
When everything seemed perfect, those good ol days.
Theres no more time for happy faces,
Too many busy people at too many places,
No more time spent finding your other half,
That complicated process has surpassed the difficulty of math,
Love lost its meaning a long time ago,
And 3 years later im proof that we all have to let it go.


Tuesday, January 6, 2009

RFK Memories - Class of 2008

I thought it would be a cool idea to write down my favorite memories at RFK in hope that I never forget them. Im going to put them in a list, not in any particular order though so dont think what is last means least and vice versa. Here it goes, a trip back to RFK:

1. Talent Show Peformances (07, 08) - Shout out to Wynton Majette and Cathy Medina. Love you guys.
2. Practicing in Gildeas room with Cathy and Wynton. Lol (Gildea hated us for that. =D)
3. Hanging out in Huggins room in the AM, afternoon, even after school, PM, whenever. Lol - shout out to JAM, farah, stephanie rubino, and cathy.
4. Mr. Ryder and U.S History. -shout out to Hugo, this was the first time I met him lol.
5. Art Class and Ms. Besozzi's creativity.
6. Sleeping in English and everyone being mad because i never did work. (FYI i just knew what was going on before hand!)
7. Teaching English when Huggins was out of class. Lol (i didnt do so bad)
8. Drawing all over RFK. (Surprisingly the boards are still up!)
9. Shouting Jamaican expressions with Stephan Brooks. Lol miss you man.
10. Reading the poem at graduation with Jonathan. (We killed it kid)
11. Hanging out with my koreans =), even arguing with them! (Esther Yang and Christine Yang) - damn i miss you two.
12. Being co-presidents of the Art Club with Esther =D
13. Looking at Alexis Miller's comic book dress for the first time. (Lol so cool)
14. Watching Audrey transform into a fashion statement. Lol
15. Having problems with girls. (No names lol)
16. Henderson and his wisdom. Also, his jokes! He's a funny guy people, really funny guy.
17. The "ive never games" that were played at various places. (Publications class, Mcdonalds, SmileyA1's)
18. HANDBALL! Damn i miss it. Shout out to the top 3 Handball players of RFK. 1. Me lol, true story. 2. Steven Melara, 3. Kevin Le.
19. Watching Limor walk in late to US History wearing a pink juicy outfit and drenched hair. (Lol JAM you gotta remember that you were right next to me)
20. The baseball team and Danny Watson beating me up. I actually miss that.
21. TIFFANY CHUNG and prom. I miss you girl. The doritos, the arizonas, handball, the puzzles, everything. Lol and even the same birthday!
22. Amrish screaming HAYOOOO everyday for no reason.
23. Jonathan's unorganization. (Anyone ever notice all his papers in every class?! Lol we didnt even get that much stuff!!)
24. Stephanie Rubino and her colombianess. Lol including her nose piercing i wanted to yank out.
25. The last group of friends i made at rfk that i miss - Roen (corpus), Stephanie Gonzalez (forever), Liliya (fresh).
26. Mr. Buzzeo and doing the morning wake up call with Steven Melara. (Basically playing the trumpet as loud as you could lol)
27. My first two RFK friends John and Joseph Morales.
28. My transformation of appearance each year at RFK. Damn what a change lol.
29. That music project Ms. Huggins gave us! That was awesome.
30. That life project ms huggins gave us! THAATTT SUCKKEEDDD LMAO.
31. The gym floor being flooded. Lol good times
32. Senior Picnic (it was hot, crowded but we got up to 102 in that volleyball game!!)
33. Creative Writing class with Mr. Weeks. Lol this was where i met Ariel Camarata and her crazy writing.
34. Watching Cathy's hair never being done. LOL
35. Yearbooks. (I still read through it, and it still almost makes me cry)
36. Dancing to Love Is Gone at Prom. Lol that was the jump off.
37. Hugo saying. " Freaky zeaky ballin. Capo Status, Dipset Anthem, Jim Jones." Lol why hugo, why!
38. Calling Alex Thompson "Big A"
39. My juniors! (Who now are seniors), miss u guys, too many of you to name lol.
40. Ap Geography and Ap biology. Lol one word - SLACKIN!!!! =D
41. Free periods. Lol everyone HAS to love free periods.
42. Throwing chocolate cake at Huggins face and than watching her try and chase me throughout her room. (YOU FAILED!)
43. Helping out Henderson with all those damn balloons and carnations.
44. Aldo and his red head. Lol
45. Mike Casas and his voice breaking the whisper sound barrier.
46. David Reyes and chemistry. Too much fun. SPEAR!!! (Also Tiffany and chemistry. Also too much fun)
47. Playing DS at the end of the year with Pomes, Brooks, Tiffany, Christine, and Esther (who never got one -_- lol)
48. Getting Spiderman Dog Tags with my name on it from Huggins! Those were awesome.
49. Manny and his salsa.
50. Never finishing Weeks' board.
51. Mulstay and his evil plots. Lol
52. Ms Byheny and Chia - thanks for a great senior year =D.
53. Getting the Visual Arts award and even screaming out the pronounciation of my last name to Huggins because shes white and has no spanish in her. Lol =P
54. ABC Project. Not bad lol not bad at all
55. Using a smartboard!
56. Gildea and his -5's! Lol i still have that button.
57. Poetry Day and having people come up to me afterwards telling me im a jerk for making them cry. LOL
58. Esther and her whining voice. Lol!
59. Sitting next to Limor in Art class.
60. Sheina and I having convos in French =)
61. Dr. B not giving me a break, EVER! Lol
62. The Pile Up with the baseball team after coming back from losing against Queens Voc. (Greatest Sports Moment)
63. Winning "Most Likely to be Successful" =)
64. Being nominated for prom king =D (Shout out to prom king and queen Mike Casas and Stephanie Rubino. I voted for both of you guys lol)
65. Tripping Huggins for the first time and watching her almost break her face. Lol wow
66. Mr. Lord doing the Brad Pitt face.
67. Kicking out the Middle School!!! Lol Mwuahaha
68. Playing basketball with Sebastian.
69. Dodgeball in Gym.
70. Class of 2008!!!!

I'll keep adding to this list but this is good for now. If i keep going my hands are gonna fall off. Lol

P.S - Class of 2008 I love you all and miss every single one of you, teachers and classmates. =D


Monday, January 5, 2009


I love photography. The way the lens sounds when it's zooming in, the way the flash blinds everyone, the way the pictures look, black and white photos, the whole concept of photography is just amazing. I have two quotes about photography that can explain just what it is.

"Photography makes you see the world, rather look at it. it captures thought." -Michelle
"Photography, the exit of chaos. The ability to stop time and stare. The ability to look around and see things that the eye hides at first glance." - J.Cazares

Photography has become one of my most recent passions. One day I want to buy one of those really cool half manual half digital cameras. As soon as I come up with $1500. =/ Damn economy. Well anyway I like taking pictures and I'm going to post them up here. Figured blogging doesn't have to be about writing, it's all about creativity =D.

Heres some of my photos:

I really took all of these photos. Try not to take them, thats illegal! Unless of course you got paypal =D. LOL I'll post more up as time goes by, please comment any of the ones you liked =D.

P.S - Asalamalayka!!!


Sunday, January 4, 2009


AHHHH!! I've been stressing about grades ever since the start of this damn vacation and I'm proud to say I can now finally enjoy it. I checked CUNY and my grades are up on esims, they are:

1. Psychology100 - B
2. English120 - A
3. First Year Seminar - B+
4. Economics - B-
5. Geography - B+
6. Math101 - A

=D its a good feeling knowing those late night papers paid off in the end! Shout out to my FYSH crew at Hunter =D (Stephanie, Lorena, Will, Kyle, Jared, Elan, Lena, Jessica, Claudia, Jasmine, everyone? lol)
Julian Cazares


I wasn't able to sleep last night. I kept waking up and I don't know why. I couldn't figure it out. Well anyway here's another poem. =)


The night is young, I search through the chaos in my mind for comfort, anything to bring me to sanity. I search the walls as in search for gold, I only find wandering eyes mixed with daydreams of the future. There she is again, displayed for me as clear as the eye can see. I cannot shift my eyes, the very thoughts bind me to stay, force me to think of her. I give in when theres no route to escape. She is beautiful, haunting me with the reality that she isnt there, she is only on display. She is the music that replays the symphony to my desires, my immagination that sparks into visions and colors, i channel through my thoughts to find the source of her voice, to reach the lips at the very end. She is in constant lumination of everything that surrounds me. She leaves me no choice but to lose control, I envy her for this, because no other person has this power over me.

I have become a mental photographer,
And she has become my only subject.


Saturday, January 3, 2009


This special blog entry goes out to Audrey Allure =) for being the first person to subscribe to my blog! Thanks audrey! Hopefully this blog won't shut down like uber (if that's what it was called lol.) Well, thanks again!

Oh also, Ms. Carrie Huggins gets the first comment award! =D thanks huggie and btw, gay people are people.



I write poetry a lot. I figured I'd post them here since my stupid poetry website is getting just a little crowded with old work. I'm going to post all my new poems here. Sorry for those who look at the website, ill write the link on it for you guys =)


The music starts,
The beat and my body are connected,
We act as one,
I hold the rhythm,
In return the tune holds the beat,
My eyes search for the routine,
Performing without an error,
I remember each turn,
Each stomp each pop,
Its time to jump in the crowd,
Its time to find her tonight.
The music leads me to her,
Through a mask i can see her smile,
The eyes that dance with my rythm,
The body that goes with my song.
I bring myself closer,
Tempted to take her into flight,
Resisting the urge to touch,
My mind telling myself to kiss this girl tonight,
The music continues,
The show must go on,
I must return to the stage,
Our moment must be postponed.
The music finally stops,
Followed by the cheers of the crowd,
I can still see her smile,
Even after ive taken my bow.


Art is Life

I am an artist. I wasn't always an artist and I don't believe people are born with the ability to write or be creative. It really depends on the person and their environment. I sound like a psychology teacher but I'm not talking about the nature vs nurture argument here. People just develop their creativity over time. Those who have it can really appreciate the title of this blog.

Art is my life. Its the only form of expression without limits. If your canvas runs out you can get another one. If paper runs out there's plenty more. Its unlimited and so are the possibilities. Sometimes I look around and envision designs on everything. I call this visualization of mine Cstar's World, probably because I can't really describe it and I can't exactly tell a person here have a look. lol. It can be a cool experience if you try it. Just look around and put designs on the things you see. The best place to do this would probably be the city considering they have big buildings with plain colors.

The best thing about being an artist is having a passion for art. I personally love design, photography, and writing. I'll try anything at least once and I've learned a lot from my high school art teacher Ms. Besozzi. I miss the smell of her supplies. I know that sounds weird but art even has a scent, as crazy at that sounds.

The best thing about being an artist is knowing it's personal. I like knowing that everything I draw or write can be criticized but only to a certain extent. It's my work, you don't have to understand the concept. =) Art is really meant for one person, unless of course you meet someone who loves it just as much as you do. In my case, that person is Michelle Rosado. Although I've never seen her artwork her passion for it is noticeable. Its hard to explain but she gave me my devotion for art, something I truly am grateful for.


Women =/

Women, girls, females, ladies, boo's, gf's - whatever you want to call them - have become the sole problem in my life. I don't know what it is about me, sometimes I think I have bad luck. Actually, I know I have bad luck -_-. It seems like it always ends the same way with females and I. Either they change on me or cheat on me. It hurts. I know I'm not a bad person. I believe I'm a good bf. So why do I deserve this? I'm sure this doesn't just happen to me, but I'm getting sick of it. My most recent problems with the opposite sex is picking the "right one." From my past experiences I've become cautious in choosing my next gf. I just don't want to feel hurt anymore. Its a simple request that is never guaranteed.

I guess I'm in a state of female paranoia. I can't seem to choose. I've met only a few girls who seemed perfect for me but they were either taken, too young, or too busy. More bad luck. I've decided to wait it out. If I rush I am just going to end in the same way. Definitely don't want that to happen, not again.

I just want to say if I ever hurt you I am sorry. It wasn't my intention to do so. I love making others happy, hurting people would be the nemesis to my life. I guess that's how things work. Those who I love hurt me, and those who love me I hurt. This is the dilemma I live in. Damn.


An Open Mind

The way people think fascinates me. Its amazing how many opinions can come out of a simple question like "what motivates you?" I respect the power of speech, however, I've come to a disagreement with the minds of some people. I just don't get why certain people think the way they do. I have no control over it and I just wish this world had fewer mentalities than the one's I despise. For example, why do you people discriminate others? What is it about other people that they just can't get? I walk down city streets everyday and I see one of the most diverse group of individuals. Never did I think this world or city would be better off without a certain race. I don't place a race with an action. I know everyone has a little racism in them, I'm not saying we should be perfect civilized people, I mean it would be great but unlikely to happen. What I'm saying is people need to realize they aren't alone in this world. They aren't going to wake up in the morning and find people just like them everywhere they turn. If you want that kind of life than I suggest you walk into a lot of those fun mirror houses. That way everywhere you "turn" you'll just see your reflection.

I am pro-open mind. Probably not a term but in my little world it is. I don't see myself changing the world but it would be nice to see different races being able to coexist. "If we can fight wars together, we can live together." One of my favorite quotes however I'm unsure of where I got it from. (Remember the Titans?)

To be open minded is not just thinking with respects to everything or everyone, but acting upon your own thoughts. -J.Cazares