Friday, August 14, 2009


The world of expression never found my street. I never held it in my arms, or kissed it goodnight. Expression may be the kryptonite to my very existence yet it lurks in the shadows waiting for my acceptance. I don't know what holds me back from entering this phase. It could be self doubt, or maybe I just lack the necessities. I think my childhood had a lot to do with my bottled up emotions. With no father to sit on or throw my burderns upon. Mom was working and gave me the love I needed for both parents. I had a sister but at that age you don't get along with one another. My only real father figure (which would be my grandfather) didn't speak english that well and I was losing my spanish. Friends didn't care about problems and girls made me too nervous. With everything attacking me at once I found myself learning to maintain my emotions alone. No late night phone calls with my best friend, or a pat on the back from a friend. I would've liked that so many times, but it never happened. I face it everyday, the idea that I can't speak my mind with the force that I want to. I'm always hiding behind my own face, deep under my skin.

Expression, I wish I knew what it meant. To me its just a phase I can't step into.

-Julian Cazares

1 comment:

  1. I can relate, my friend.
    There happens to be times that I felt really alone and that the comfort of those around me felt really fake. I would stay hunkered over a sketchpad with paint all over my desk and speakers yelling at me with familiar voices.
    Nothing to show for those days except some poems and sketches.