Life.

Its a constant steam of impenetrable thoughts, pouring out the deepest memories I possess. I can see my past, a diary of information I wish not to read. I see my present, a collage of desire with passion I have escaped willingly. My future awaits, a mystery to unravel as I awaken each day unaware that I have taken another step to reaching it. Control, a quality I have struggled with. Unable to fully understand how to use it to my advantage.

J.Cazares

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Motivation.

ladies and gentlemen I am officially motivated to start doing the things. I have been planning to do. No more of this waiting around crap, lets start something while we are still alive. I have two things coming up, and they both have no names yet. The first is a new YouTube channel for my dancing, the other is a YOUTUBE/Blog of artists in NYC composed of my friends and fellow friends of friends. We need to start spreading our talents. Let's go NYC.

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NYC Transit

A shuttle of diversity, seated upon a course of action. A one way trip to a destination well known. People come and sit, and disappear in the noise. The rings drown out the motivation to associate. The urge to be where you are needed is greater than your passion to converse. The time is checked on frequently, an irritating quality of the clock. Some fall in a dream, lost in their own fantasy. Others desire to read the lives of others, to share their stories with the community they love to ignore. The readers collide with the writers. Music is the new sound of the century. Each person on their own vibe. There is something missing in the hour of departure and something lost in the minute of arrival. The world moves faster in transit.

The description of a travel.

-.J.Cazares

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android.

Tech savvy upload. I rant on my phone and it finally gives me a reason, a dedicated blogger app. I'm currently unaware of the world around me and I see everything with electrical impulses. The energy is overwhelming. I feel obligated to release my frustration and comprehend its meaning. I can't find an answer I'm satisfied with. Time is flying by and I sit here in a thought. A meditation for the mind. Like I'm being plugged in to recharge, or in need of batteries. I am unstable. I'm an android after all.

-J.Cazares

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

Clarity.

The descriptive escape, a highlight of ambition, a hollow substance, filled with ammunition. Among the enemies we stay, taunted by their glance, their face their heart, their hair their stance, we charred out the outline, burnt it to an ash, piled it to the sky, then took out all the trash. The treachery awaits, time will tell if we partake, submissive allies along it's side, the hour will reveal what it can make. Our strength undone, our faith dismembered, torn to pieces with no mercy, the pain to be remembered. The tears collected, a memory for all, a certificate for inscription, of how the superior could fall.

-J.Cazares

Tranquility.

Sometimes my mind does it's own thing, thinks its own thoughts, plays its own games. I feel emotions I shouldn't feel. I grow traits that aren't supposed to be there. I collapse conclusions on top of one another and feel like there's a need to find the truth. I feel overpowered by my own control. I feel like there's more to the surface. I latch on to suspicion and find where it will lead me. I travel the landscape and search for clues. The more I gather the more it drives me past sanity. I close my eyes and wish it to go away and awaken to the same routine. It is a virus in my blood. A carrier of doubt. I have flooded my safety and I should take the blame.

-J.Cazares

.Flood.

A single line, to express the rest. A finishing touch, placed in the front row. A twisted fate locked in motion. The spilling of thoughts. A collapse of mentality, an escape from sanity, to become what one pleases to be. It is a choice, a gift to pursue a golden goal. Upon this chaos, lies a truth waiting to be told a story awaiting its time, to be heard by the ears of this world. To be judged not by quality, but by fulfillment. To be able to write what the mind cannot explain, to jot down the lines that don't make sense. Word after word a rant of expression. An introduction to a new realm, an awakening of a new spell. Take this challenge head on, I'm a writer, a thinker, a modern day expressionist.

-J.Cazares

Mind Games

Frustrated agony,
implanted in my heart,
destroying my chance of peace,
causing chaos from the start.
A time bomb of misery,
underneath my skin,
making me cringe in my sleep,
while I let it sink in,
it slowly tests my sanity,
clouding up my sight,
takes away my humble being,
throws it past the calm of night.
The anger builds within,
raging up the mind,
a scream a shout a yell,
a terror for mankind.
My thoughts begin to wonder,
When will there be light,
Where's the moment of clarity,
In which I have lost tonight.

(Work in progress)

-J.Cazares

A Tune for Every Occasion

I believe in music. It is the ultimate therapy, a soothing beat for any mood. Sometimes I can just lay down and listen to music for hours at a time. Whether I be switching tracks between some clever Drake, to my favorite lines of Lil Wayne, the depressing Evanescence, the strength of Linkin Park, the sexual Trey Songz, the powerful Eminem, and that's just a few. I found a song for everything, and with each song I have connected some memory. My most recent memories and the songs that correlate have to be dated starting right before the start of my last dance performance. On the surface the music that I have been repeating since then has been a memory of the energy that was filled with the room during practice but underneath it reminds me of the passionate romance that I was involved in. You could say I fell in love with a song, and I haven't stopped listening to her. Her rhythm has become the beat to my heart and I now move to its command.

The songs play in the back of my head over and over again. Hey Daddy, No Air, Look Only At Me, What Did She Say, Video Phone, and even the transitions have their own place. When they play I see the flashbacks of a classic time in my life, and one that I shall never forget.

Today was simple, I woke up and now I have jumped into bed. In between those two simple actions was a mixture of food, relaxing, and utter disregard for socialization. Sometimes I find that there are days where I need to shut down and recharge everything about my body, not just my physical fuel. Aside from my song, I didn't want to hear anything else.

-J.Cazares

Photographer's Perspective: Entry #001

Description:
This little beautiful girl is my newest baby cousin. The picture was taken with a Canon Rebel T1i, my new favorite toy and usually my camera of choice for the pictures I will be uploading. I used photographers shooters mode, set the ISO to 100, used a wide angle lens with a macro attachment and turned white balance to sunlight.

I like natural looking pictures when I'm shooting faces so in order to do this I try my hardest to keep the person I'm shooting unaware that I am taking a picture. The easiest way I found to accomplish this is to talk to the person and to keep them in a good mood, usually by making them laugh. Waiting for the right time to shoot can be difficult so you can also shoot continuously, and when you get good, use one shot skills so each shot becomes that much more meaningful. For this shot, I told her (Jenna) to go find me a seashell on the beach which is why her face seems brighter the further you go down her face. The sand was bright white so I knew I didn't need that much ISO. I waited for her to get settled then I told her to look at the water and in that second, this picture was born.



Description:
This photo was taken on the 3rd Floor Bridge at Hunter College. It was a rainy day so everyone was sitting on the bridge. I always seem to have my camera on me and someone always decides to play with my camera. My friend actually gave me the idea for the pic, aiming outside and shooting. I realized that what stuck out the most were the little droplets of water on the window so I tried different angles and looked for the spot where the most drops were located.

For this photo I used the aperture shooter mode so I can make the foreground of the image the point of focus and blurred the background. I used an ISO of 700, and put the shutter speed to 1/200 because it was still raining and drops were still running down the window. For window shows I highly recommend using a macro lens with no flash. You need steady hands or a tripod to get the full effect because it will get blurry easy.

I like the mood of this picture. It reminds me of any other rainy day, gloomy with a side of depression. It's easy to captivate a mood when it is right in front of you. I'm fond of capturing moods, especially when they are natural and from nature. A sunny day would represent happiness like a rainy day would represent depression.



Description:
This photo was taken in the backyard of my aunt's house. She has an object back there that supposedly attracts bee's so I sat there and waited for one to come. After about 5 minutes a bee came and sat right on the flower in the photo. Be warned that this can be quite frustrating at first. For camera settings: ISO was at 800, Macro mode shooting, Flash, and shutter speed of 1/250 were enabled.

I love this picture because of how long it took get it right. I used a one shot so I had a lot of retries to finally get it right. The hardest part was not being able to look in the eye sight because the bee moves too quickly. I had to aim and shoot with a naked eye and hopefully it would focus right. Focus on the flower first then aim for the bee that way it captures correctly.

Hope you enjoyed my first photography entry =).

-J.Cazares

Tragic & Beautiful

Mentality spilled in print, my motto lost with time. I feel like writing has always been apart of my life, why else would that be the first thing they teach us as children? There's a need to write, a need to express yourself in more ways that speech. Writing was the first therapist, until people decided they needed feedback. I rather write to an anonymous person knowing I'll never hear what they have to say about my problems or my expressive thoughts. Its easier to judge others when you expect feedback. I've grown to believe that the best kind of advice and therapy comes from yourself. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, there are some people who just need individual interaction with another human being. With everything that has happened in my life I found that trusting myself is the best solution to finding a solution. You can never go wrong with picking yourself up, it makes you stronger.

I've been influenced time and time again with my motives and ideas. I have been casted along a script of life and I've been acting since day one. I forgot what was real and what is fake. I've combined my reality with a dream like entity. I call this combination fate. A tragic & beautiful twist, a roller coaster predecessor.

-J.Cazares

Happy > Life

I am happy, happier than I've ever been. I wake up without the pessimism. I wake up without the aches and pains of the past. I rely on my morning to bring me warmth and comfort and I know it will be there. I'm different, I felt the change from the very beginning of this new era and I know it has made me a better person. This new movement, a care free environment surrounded with a natural smile and an ecstatic feeling. I can't describe what I'm going through and that's exactly how I would want it. I love the mysterious feelings, the ones where you can't find the words to jot down, the feeling that just overwhelms your senses and the motive is lost within the heart. It's the unique feeling I have encountered these past few months, and I have become greedy with this passion. I don't want to think about losing it, I'm striving for the limitless boundaries, a free roaming area where I can grip this tide and hold it forever. If I succeed I will be complete, if I wake up from this dream than I'll be lost among the rest. I know this is something I'll never forget, I've engraved it in my mind.

Each memory I encounter becomes marked in a frame. An image of my present with a promise of my future. I see where I want to be, the view within my sights. I can smell the air clearing with the scent of certainty, I hear the beats of my own happiness. This drug I've become addicted to can never be released. I've learned to trap it in my body, so it never leaves my bloodstream. This is my pursuit, my better days in my hands, and when I look at my promise face to face you can see the shine within my heart. I've been taken to the place I never found, and now I will reside here, hopefully forever.

-J.Cazares

Weather oh Weather

You know it's hot when every block you walk you look for the hot dog vendor to get a water. I've been outside a lot these past couple days and I don't want to set another foot outside till I see some snow. It's just too hot. Of course winter rolls around and then it's cold so we wish for heat. Can't weather just be chill like people? Well some people anyways. I like the fall. Breezy with the sun out, nice mild temperature, mid 70's. Perfect weather for pretty much everything, except the beach, well maybe. Than again life is a beach, it's sandy all around me? -Drake. P.S Free Wayne. (off-topic) Back to the weather that melts my skin.

I'm isolated in my office with the a/c on blast, looking at the clock waiting for it to hit 5:00 so I can take my trip in the desert once again. I probably would be on twitter this time last year but I find the minimum 140 words quite frustrating. I like to write and not think about a limit to how much I can write. Words should flow out and not have -43 sorry can't send signs up after. So I'll come back to blogging, my long lost companion. I usually come back when Fall semester begins but I have a lot of writers build up in me, time to let it loose.

-J.Cazares

Bye-Oh

I'm 20 years old now, 1/5 of the way to a century. Years have escaped my memory while others have been burned in my skull. Selective memory is what they should call it, because the truth is we remember the things we want to. A horrid event occurs and the first thing we say is please make it go away and hope in the morning we forget. I remember the great things of my life, the promises kept, the wonderful people who raised my hand, the father figures who failed me replaced by glorious friends.
I like the man I've become. Kind at heart but with a twisted mind. Seeking the happiness of others and never having a personal day. I could do this again and again. I may not be able to keep up with the world but the time I do obtain I try my best to make it worth the tic. I live in New York. I grew up on streets where children played without fear. This is my home, my upper hand. I challenge you to take it from me. Time changes people, but sometimes we forget we have the will to guide what we change into. We have the power of becoming who we want to. If a man can take responsibility for his actions than why can't he take charge if who he becomes? In other words people can say who they are and what they've done but they fail to realize that they have made themselves like that from the start. We have the choice to do great things, or to let it waste.

-J.Cazares

Short Skit -*

Tonight, a moment of ease. My mind set free, calmed in an ecstatic atmosphere. I take this opportunity to share my thoughts, the words written in my dreams and faded in my heart. Lines filled with her face, her name, her smile. An official admiration, a unique dedication. So I reminisce about each memory, and laugh in my own melody, the soft sounds of her voice, the burning sensation that I made the right choice.

Here I am, standing in patience. Waiting for you to brighten my day once more, to lift me past my tragic past. I honor this moment with a glowing passion, I glance into her eyes and feel something uncontrollable. Hours, minutes, seconds they all stop on the same time, months, weeks, days they all stop when you’re mine. My circuit is complete, the shock flowing through my soul, my mind in your control, my body is now all yours. I yearn each moment, grasp each moment like it’s the last.

I feel the heat now, the flame growing stronger. I feel no pain now, the hurt not staying any longer. She’s my one, a route for escape, my only way. I can see it, the beginning of a new me, the end of a long wait. So that’s what it feels like.

-J.Cazares

Current Mood

Shouts of agony reminisce these walls,
Tight suffocating air filling these halls,
Save me from my untimely occasion,
Whisper the answer to my equation,
This burning sensation trapped underneath,
This jaw-clenching feeling grinding my teeth,
Free me from my burdened reality,
Help me steer from my own fatality
It's hard letting it all go down the drain,
Difficult to lose, difficult to gain,
To watch and feel helpless in the background,
Surrounded by darkness, deep underground,
Unspoken words with forgotten meaning,
Collapsed minds strangling the air for breathing,
Unfortunate events come into play,
Two opposing teams detaching everyday,
Sacred memories lost among the past,
The hourglass consumes the minds' broadcast,
Warped inside a black hole of all thats lost,
Treacherous deception has payed the cost,
A plague, corrupting this city on my street,
This game, cheated with passion now I retreat,
Locked in confinement, with no where to go,
The key to my release is only for show,
Receive my message, unfold its purpose,
Uncover its truth, don't scratch the surface,
Hear my voice, understand my emotion,
Learn my motive, now grasp my devotion,
I'll choose the route, and fight for the finish,
Watch me chase for it, come be my witness,
No second place, only the strong survive,
Recharge the defib, shock me to revive,
I desire to walk this road alone,
To be error-free and I've made this known,
I've made this mistake, I can't take it back,
But it will pass, so I take this attack.


-J.Cazares

Savior

Shouts of agony reminisce these walls, tight suffocating air filling these halls, save me from my untimely occasion, whisper the answer to my equation, this burning sensation trapped underneath, this jaw-clenching feeling grinding my teeth, free me from my burdened reality, help me steer from my own fatality.

- J.Cazares

Photography

Never give up on the things you love doing, so here's what I've been keeping up with:
Latest Pictures from yours truly

-J.Cazares

Random Short Verses

;creative passion, the urge to fulfill the sacrifice to art, slit wrists bleeding colors of imagination, walls painted with motivation, standing alone with a mentality striving to achieve, fueled by a static pulse deep within the stream. -J.C

;tormented minds waste my time, fear of eclipse, colliding visions with dreams. Here I stand momentarily please, weight lock my knees, caught and set free. I change the pace of sudden failure and return to my dock, reset the clock, then take a bow for release. -J.C

;define love and it will spit in your face, embrace this tragedy then hit erase, spill out all thoughts than hit restart, imagine a world you couldn't embark, now start, welcome to the show, I'm your guide for this mission now lets go, one step forward than three steps back, I'll change your course of action then slap you off track. -J.C


[I'll probably expand them eventually? haha]

-J.Cazares

Spilling Thoughts

It's different now, the way I think and feel. The way I view the world and how much I've changed. Change for good I may add. Feelings of confidence, I feel the urge to do more than ever. The world may be busy, and I pay the price of being caught up in it all, but at least I feel in control of what happens next. What happens to me will be my own direction, my own set path. I'm determined to fulfill my own desires, to become the "most successful" that people seem to think of me. I don't like letting others down, so this is motivation. I will help as many as I can along the way, not in spite of the cruelty of this world, but because that's my choice. Fame and fortune can hit rock bottom and I would pay no mind, I'm in it for the smiles. I do what I do because I benefit from watching another person pick themselves up and keep on going. My helping hand is as good as gold, and that's the income I will always be satisfied with.

I won't hesitate to be who I want to be, the hour will come where I will stand and stare, and I will become well aware, that I am who I wanted to be.

-J.Cazares

Tic of Time

I find it amusing, the quickening of the pace, the fast walking businessmen with their fancy little scarves, and the rushing taxis just skimming and accident. 10 years ago I wouldn't pay attention as much, probably because I'd be so locked up in slow motion that things like that just didn't exist. I guess as you age time slips by, and with that there is less and less to love about life. After much thought, and I mean at least a day or two of pondering, I believe there is much more to life than watching time engulf memories right before your eyes. So I write against the clock, inscribe my memories on anything I find to escape the tic of time. I listen and wait, chase my dreams and then fake how much I lost. So while that guy in the suit runs past me and the taxi driver misses my hand I will not be affected by the meaning of it all. We developed time, a man made recording of the sun rise and sun set. We have the power to create it but lost the power to control it. I find it amusing.

Another decade come and gone and still I contain my thoughts, bound to my mind in a final hope. Protected from the hourglass of forgetful actions and immune to the cheating digits. My clock strikes midnight, half the world shuts their lights off; my world begins its day. A true test of control, grasping the option of enjoying life, always living in slow motion. I rather be locked away in a frozen moment than lost and abandoned by that tic of time.

-J.Cazares